And no, the title of this blog has not changed to Jenny BITCHING Bee. But it is a part of what I'm going through right now. Mood swings, depression, crying, and fake perkiness are currently a part of my day-to-day life. It's not fun, that's for sure.
But what I really wanted to think about, was not how this affects me or what I get through, but how it affects my relationship with Mr. C. Because you can bet your bottom dollar, it sure does. In fact, a few days ago, Mr. C looked at me, and with wide pleading eyes, asked me to stop. He told me I couldn't be so needy, he told me he needed to focus on his current rotation and exam, and he just couldn't do it all at once right now.
When he told me that, I immediately got defense. Needy? Me? Never! So rude! So presumptuous! So...true. Oy. I have been moody, and this, for mean, necessarily means I'm needy. And Mr. C has enough on his plate. He's in his surgery rotation, which means he's in the hospital for 12+ hours a day. And even after all that, he's expected to come home and study for the rest of the night, provided he can keep his eyes open long enough.
So it's hard to balance. Because on the flip side, I'm home. Alone. Applying for jobs, and desperately wishing for company. I cook and I clean more than I ever have. And I count the minutes until he's home with me.*
And then Mr. C comes home, and I need his attention. I need to talk his ear off, I need him to acknowledge that even if it IS just cooking and cleaning** I accomplished something today. But he's exhausted and needs to study. And this has become a dirty, dirty cycle that causes us to bicker and argue and be at each others' throats for every little thing.
It's been on my mind a lot. Because I can feel my moods effecting Mr. C and I's relationship. I know that this is a rocky part of our relationship, and we are sticking by each other through these tough times, and we'll come out stronger on the other end. But it doesn't mean I don't notice it, and it doesn't mean that I don't worry that he just won't be able to deal with it anymore and give up on me.
Have you ever hit a really rocky patch with your significant other? Any tips on how to get through, even if you can't make the cause go away?
*I do realize that this could come off as pathetic and co-dependent, but if you know me, you know that's not really the case...it's just the way the cookie is crumbling right now
**Which isn't to say I don't think someone who chooses to stay home isn't productive or contributing, but it's just NOT what I was planning on doing with myself right now