Friday, December 17, 2010

The Unemployment Mood

I know, I know.  I feel like I do a fair amount of bitching, moaning, whining and crying all over this blog.



And no, the title of this blog has not changed to Jenny BITCHING Bee.  But it is a part of what I'm going through right now.  Mood swings, depression, crying, and fake perkiness are currently a part of my day-to-day life.  It's not fun, that's for sure.

But what I really wanted to think about, was not how this affects me or what I get through, but how it affects my relationship with Mr. C.  Because you can bet your bottom dollar, it sure does.  In fact, a few days ago, Mr. C looked at me, and with wide pleading eyes, asked me to stop.  He told me I couldn't be so needy, he told me he needed to focus on his current rotation and exam, and he just couldn't do it all at once right now.

When he told me that, I immediately got defense.  Needy?  Me?  Never!  So rude!  So presumptuous! So...true.  Oy.  I have been moody, and this, for mean, necessarily means I'm needy.  And Mr. C has enough on his plate.  He's in his surgery rotation, which means he's in the hospital for 12+ hours a day.  And even after all that, he's expected to come home and study for the rest of the night, provided he can keep his eyes open long enough.

So it's hard to balance.  Because on the flip side, I'm home.  Alone.  Applying for jobs, and desperately wishing for company.  I cook and I clean more than I ever have.  And I count the minutes until he's home with me.*  

And then Mr. C comes home, and I need his attention.  I need to talk his ear off, I need him to acknowledge that even if it IS just cooking and cleaning** I accomplished something today.  But he's exhausted and needs to study.  And this has become a dirty, dirty cycle that causes us to bicker and argue  and be at each others' throats for every little thing.  

It's been on my mind a lot.  Because I can feel my moods effecting Mr. C and I's relationship.  I know that this is a rocky part of our relationship, and we are sticking by each other through these tough times, and we'll come out stronger on the other end.  But it doesn't mean I don't notice it, and it doesn't mean that I don't worry that he just won't be able to deal with it anymore and give up on me.

Have you ever hit a really rocky patch with your significant other?  Any tips on how to get through, even if you can't make the cause go away?




*I do realize that this could come off as pathetic and co-dependent, but if you know me, you know that's not really the case...it's just the way the cookie is crumbling right now

**Which isn't to say I don't think someone who chooses to stay home isn't productive or contributing, but it's just NOT what I was planning on doing with myself right now

6 comments:

  1. I don't think you sound pathetic or co-dependent--don't be so hard on yourself! It's tough being unemployed...when I first moved to Texas I was unemployed, living alone, and knew TWO people in the entire city. It was tough. I found a job about 6 weeks after I moved, but seriously I.went.crazy. Can you get out of the house at all? Volunteer? Go to the gym? Good luck with the job search and DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

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  2. Girl.. you know I can relate. I was laid off from my job back at home and then moved to a new city with my fiance when he got a new (and better) job. I know NO ONE here and it's been impossible to get a job here (it's a college town and all those kids suck up the jobs!) Right now we just have one car because when he gets promoted we are going to have to get a bigger car, so he sold his and is using mine... so I'm stuck and only really go out when we go to the gym or to go grocery shopping. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy! It does affect our relationship some (A LOT when we first moved, it's gotten better, though).. so don't be too hard on yourself. Like you said, you'll come out of it even stronger! Hang in there!

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  3. I was miseeerrraaabbbllle at my old job and realize that a crummy or no job situation at all can really affect everything. It affects your entire life, I hear ya. I was always in a bad mood, cried all the time. Chris also finally said "You have to stop...I can't hear this anymore." Which is easier said than done. All I can say is...you know it will all fall into place eventually. If you keep your head high, don't get too discouraged, and keep on forging ahead...eventually things will turn around and you both will finally be at a place of peace. These are the moments that will make you stronger and think about how great it will feel to look back on this time and say "Wow. That time was tough, but we got through it and that's in the past"

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  4. I was ashamed and slightly embarrassed (though not surprised) to discover that "venting" is the number 2 most common topic on my blog. Whoops. Honestly, it's a big part of why I do it, and I know we are not alone there.

    I have definitely been through the same kind of thing with Daniel. For a while, we were both in a needy sort of place, on the verge of collapse, needing the other's support and unable to get it because we were both wrapped up in our own problems. It sucks. I also get the unemployment thing. All too well. My advice? Find someone else to talk to. I know it sucks not being able to talk to your significant other, but if you can talk to somebody, it might sooth your need to vent without straining your relationship. I know talking to someone on the internet you don't know probably isn't what you want to do, but if you feel the need to vent to someone in the same position, my email is danicole2011@gmail.com.

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  5. You don't sound pathetic at all. It's tough to look for a job and of course you want to share it with him! I would try to call up a friend and vent to them every once in a while and make a point to do something out of the house every day. Even if it's to go to Starbucks and work on the job hunt from there. Every little change helps when you're getting stir crazy. And don't be too hard on yourself, we all go through rough patches! And this will get better.

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  6. Thank you to each of you for your kind words :) It's so nice to know that other people have been through and overcome obnoxiously difficult times.

    It will be nice when the time comes too look back at this time and think, "Hey, that kind of sucked, but I'm in a way better position now! And better for it too!"

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