Friday, December 3, 2010

Money, money, money

Oh, Abba.  

Money is NOT something fun to talk or think about.  In fact for most people, talking about money is downright rude.  But, money is an important part of each of these journeys I am on: unemployment, wedding planning, and yes, even attempting to lose weight.  

Because of that, money is on my mind a lot, and I have serious guilt issues about spending, giving, or taking money.  As is probably obvious, I don't have a lot of my own money right now, and neither does Mr. C.  This can make the wedding planning stressful.

My parents have amazingly gifted me with a significant sum for our wedding.  They are contributing about 75% of the budget, Mr. C and I will be contributing about 15% and his parents about 10%.  However, I was shocked from the beginning how quickly things added up and how much they cost, but my parents were dead set on things like our venue, and kept reassuring me that we would make it worth because it was worth the cost.  They did not have a wedding, and this is something I know they do want to do for me, as a gift.  Although not everyone has or understands these big weddings, it is something important for my family. 

However, I'm having some guilt now that I've heard some people have been saying things behind our back, shocked at how much things cost (people can generally get an idea about the price of our venue from its website) and where we are getting the money.  I even have my own guilt, currently unemployed, engaged to a student, but then having my mother send a check for thousands of dollars. 

For me, my first thought is, "This is none of your business."  Then my second thought is, "Oh my goodness, we are terrible people."

It happened recently, purchasing our wedding bands (post to come soon!).  Poor Mr. C had to deal with my immediate excitement and giddyness (oh!  sparkly!) and then the quick turnaroud: "Oh dear, that was expensive."  "Should we go back and get something simpler?" "I have a tummy ache because I feel anxious." (Legit.)

He calmly told me that the ring we picked was the one I wanted, he wanted, and what we both decided looked best with my e-ring.  And that it was less then we expected.  AND we came under budget.  Plus, I spent less on my ring that I will wear forever, then I did on my dress, which I will wear ONE DAY.

I guess budget concerns are a lot about perspective, as well as priority.  Who is anyone else to judge?

But that doesn't mean the nay-sayers still don't give me a tummy ache sometimes.

How do you deal with nay-sayers?


  1. Hey girl! Thanks for the comment on my blog! We really do have A LOT in common because I, too, am currently unemployed (I got laid off), wedding planning and trying to lose weight, lol!

    I'm lucky enough that my fiance actually has a pretty good paying job and is up for a promotion that he's pretty much a sho-in for which he'll start in January (which means he'll be making A LOT more money). I don't know what we would do without him having this job because my dad isn't able to help out with the wedding (my mom died when I was two and my dad has raised three girls on his own so he doesn't really have the means) and his family has mentioned that they will help us pay off the wedding, but has never really said how much. So.. we're going about things like we are paying for it ourselves and if they can help out, then that's great and if not we will still be fine.

    It really is amazing how quickly things add up in the wedding world.. I know I was blown away at some of the pricing. My fiance has a LARGE family, too, so having a small wedding was totally not an option.

    I haven't really had to deal with nay-sayers, though. When we first got engaged I talked about how much things costs a little bit and I got some of that nay-saying from other people and the talking behind the back thing, so I just stopped telling people how much we are spending on things.

    Don't let it get you down too much, it's your wedding and you should be excited and happy about it!

    I'm going to follow your blog and I'll comment as much as possible (comments are like crack to me, too! LOL!)

  2. It really isn't a single person's business how much your wedding costs or who is contributing what. Weddings are ridiculously personal choices, and also really special gifts that parents sometimes want to give to their children and the other guests they want to see.

    Think of it this way: your parents worked very, very hard to have what they have right now. They didn't get a chance to have a blowout-party, but they've saved to throw this party for a really long time, and it's important to them. Your money troubles are temporary, but your rings and your pictures and your memories of this day are forever. People who want to consider why you would be doing what your doing with your own goddamn wedding have too much time on their hands.

    I am in awe of your wedding because it's so fun to see how a more traditional ceremony is played out, and because I am totally honored to be a part of truly is going to be special wedding. You don't have the mental space to waste on naysayers, you have too much to do :)

    Something you could consider, if having more "intent" be a part of the wedding is important to you, is give back in some way. When I got married, a lot of people gave a donation to a meaningful charity in the name of wedding guests and then left a small printed card with the favor, explaining that they donated in their names and in memory of so and so. You can do a flat donation for the entire guest list (and that way it doesn't have to be a budget buster). It's an idea, but it's not's up to you!

    Be easy on yourself. xoxoxo

  3. 1--you used an Abba song in your title, I heart Abba. And 2--the guilt is something that I struggle with. I just try to use my common sense and do what works for us, people will judge and comment no matter what. Good luck!

  4. @Danielle - Wow! There really is a lot in common between us! Isn't it tough to be going through all this stuff at once, but it's definitely nice to have a place to bitch and moan every once and awhile. Plus to get advice from others who are/will be/have gone through the same stuff!

    @Ash - You have some of the most sound advice in the whole world. Thanks for being my friend and keeping me sane all the time. I can't wait to see you soon!

  5. Oh man, yeah we definitely have a lot in common. My advice is so what you want and try not to worry about the money. You'd be amazed at what people, especially parents, will end up giving you. In the end, it's just not worth it to worry about it. And definitely don't buy stuff that's important to you just because it's cheap. I tried to do that with my wedding dress and ended up with two of them. It's your big day, and you'll hopefully only have one of them; make it the one you want.