I have to write a rant post. I think that is exactly what my last post was - but as I try and write about all the happy things that are happening, it feels forced, and I sit here and cry and try to pretend to be happy and excited.
So instead, I will write about my sadness. And if you don't want to read about it, you certainly don't have to.
I'm getting married in less than a year. This is amazing. What isn't amazing, is that I have a sense of dread imagining all the money my parents are going to spend, feeling trepidation because I can't even pay my own bills and have no hope of getting a job anytime soon.
I'm unemployed. Sure, I have an internship that pays me about $11/hr. Sure, some people would be ridiculously grateful for even this bit of income. But I went to law school and incurred massive amounts of debt. An intern salary isn't going to cut it. And it certainly isn't going to help me find my next permanent position.
I'm unmotiviated to lose weight. In so many areas of my life, I only put half my energy into something. This currently includes my weight loss. No wonder I'm not seeing results. Either in weightloss or employment.
So isn't that what this blog is supposed to be about? Aren't I supposed to be conquering each of these things in a hard-fought battle in which I will overcome my fears, weaknesses, and my bills?
Then why do I feel so lost right now?