Friday, October 22, 2010

Prior Fat Girl

One of my favorite blogs, PriorFatGirl, is looking to add bloggers to share their journey. The nomination process ends today, and after thinking about it over and over since it was announced, I decided to throw myself into that process. I'm not sure if it will get me anywhere, I wrote a stream of conscious, but it was a real one. Re-reading it, I think it describes so much of my thought process in my healthiness journey. So I'll share it with you, and I'll keep you up-to-date if I hear anything beyond this process. Even if I don't, I'm proud of myself for being willing to at least throw my hat into the ring. I'll conquer my fears of sharing the nitty-gritty details with a real audience (because is anyone even reading this now? *crickets*) if and when it comes to that.

My name is also Jen, and I have been on my weight loss journey for just over a year now. I joined Weight Watchers about a year ago (although that was my third attempt) and I've been on this journey...off and on, ever since. I'm 25 years old (26 in just a few weeks!), just graduated from law school in June, unemployed, and engaged. Needless to say, this is the perfect storm for depression, emotional eating, and weight gain. And you know what, I did that for a time this summer. That was when my original weight loss of 19.8 pounds (I never quite hit that 20 pound mark...) shrunk to just 12. How quickly it comes right back on! Since trying to get back on track, I’m at about 15 pounds lost, and I’m hoping for another 30 pounds or so. I don’t aim to be thin; I’m aiming to be healthy.

Now, I'm not upset with where I am right now, but I know I can do better. Women in my Weight Watchers meetings are constantly shaking their heads at their little losses, but I’m learning to appreciate them. I’m certainly glad to not be where I was 15 pounds ago, and every pound and fraction of a pound counts, but I have other goals as well.

I want to become that person who shrugs at chocolate and cookies, who can scoff at even the thought of overeating, and who doesn't first react to stress by shoving food in her mouth. That is where I aim to be. Because when I get there, no matter the number on the scale, I know I will have succeeded. Time and time again it’s been said, but it is SO TRUE: this is about a state of mind and a way of life. If you get there, you win. And that is what it really is about for me. A state of mind, a way of life, looking forward without having to look back.

I'm facing some challenges right now with my exercising, as I was training for a half marathon this summer, and have been diagnosed with tendinitis. That means no running, jumping, twisting, elliptical-ing, etc for TWELVE WEEKS. Sure, the doctor said I can swim in a pool. But I'd like you to find me a pool, which I can swim in, for free, in the middle of Brooklyn, NY. So yeah, there are some challenges coming up in my journey. But I'm ready to face them head on. I’m finding great ways to get out and “exercise” that may not leave me drenched in sweat in twenty minutes or less, but I’m doing something. And that is what counts.

I also am trying to educate myself about food generally. Where it comes from, what it’s made of, how it was treated before it got to my table. I’ve done some reading, and I hope to do some more. If I were a billionaire, I would eat local and organic all the time. But I’m not…not even close. So I’m trying to also find ways to feed my desire to be organically vegetarian without spending a million dollars at the local farmer’s market. Sometimes I’m successful with that, but a lot more often, I’m not. But it’s part of my journey. Because I could probably lose 30 pounds a lot quicker on Slim Fast, but then I’m shoving my body with chemicals, and I’d rather eat a delicious piece of real cheese made on a farm in Upstate New York.

Reading other people's blogs has always inspired me. They don't always succeed. They don't always work out. And yes, sometimes, they shove their face with cookies when the going gets tough. Because that is real life. This journey is not about perfection or guaranteed success. It’s about learning to deal with life. And so, I'm hoping that being on the reverse side, as a blogger, can show me that learning will come from showing people my imperfections, my slip-ups, as well as my successes. I will become accountable, truly accountable, for the first time on this journey.

I'll be honest, I have delayed sending you this. I waited until the last minute because I am nervous and scared. Not about not getting picked. If I don't get picked, I'll still be on my journey no matter what. But about sharing. I'm scared for the world to see my weaknesses, to be able to freely judge my imperfections. But I'm hoping if I open myself up to that, it will make the rewards that much sweeter.

You can find my blog at jennybusybee.blogspot.com. It’s a bit of a mix of everything. I’ve got some healthy tips there, as well as things for my wedding, and a teeny tiny bit of my everyday life. I’m a first time blogger (unless you count my LiveJournal from high school…but dear Lord, I definitely don’t!) and I’m really enjoying the process.

Thanks so much for considering me. I have to say, I really really enjoy your blog. I don’t know if I’ve ever even commented…I do most of my blog reading in my Google Reader, but you are a great blogger, and you keep it real. Thanks for sharing your story and your journey, and thanks for considering me to be a part of it!

Have you ever blogged for another person's site?

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